Pondering at the Park

It's a warm spring day in Kansas City and I am lying under a tall tree in Jacob L. Loose Park.

With my line of sight little higher than the lush green lawn I see the city from a new perspective. The lawn seems like a metropolis of grass edifices trembling in the comforting breeze. They seem to dwarf the actual skyscrapers that serve as their back-drop. And as I look up toward the hazy blue sky, my view of the light is filtered by the skinny boughs of the tree that shades me. It is obvious that the winter has only recently passed, but the naked branches are starting to show signs of new life springing up in the form of butter-coloured blossoms.

My bag serves as a pillow and the wind is leafing through the pages of the magazine resting on my tummy. That rustling sound and the threat if it blowing away all together keep me present in this moment.

The guy on my iPod is singing about God being a dad who wants to take care of his little ones: us. Somehow lying here, amongst everything I've just described makes it a little easier to believe that. He surely didn't create all this to do me harm...

Humility

“Life is a long lesson in humility” – James Matthew Barrie

What is humility? And how can I have more of it? Those are two questions I have often pondered over the years. Everybody likes a humble person and they like to hypothesise about what it means to really be humble. Some say it is making a right estimate of yourself (Charles Spurgeon), others say it is the foundation for all other virtues (St Augustine).

I agree with those guys… and yet there’s something so elusive about humility. If you think you are humble it is likely that you aren’t, so how can you ever know?

I don’t know… and this blog really doesn’t have any answers… I’ve just felt humbled lately by certain happenings in my life and though it isn’t a fun experience, I am acutely aware that I don’t want to lose this consciousness of how fallible, fragile and faulty I am as a human being. Not in the sense that I am sitting around hating myself, but in the sense that, just now, more than ever, the desire to judge others, get offended or indulge in the delusion of self-righteousness has somewhat faded away; and I’ve only just realised how much it was there to start with. From this place, it’s much easier to love and respect other fallible, fragile and faulty people…

I’m not saying that I’m suddenly living in a posture of newfound humility. What I am saying is, I’ve just discovered how much I need it.

The Weather

“Sunshine is delicious, rain is refreshing, wind braces us up, snow is exhilarating; there is really no such thing as bad weather, only different kinds of good weather.” – John Ruskin

What a load of rubbish.

Obviously John Ruskin never lived in South Shields where winds blow so hard that little old ladies are bowled over by them and present themselves in tatters to the Emergency Department where I work. They come in with injuries that range from skin abrasions to fractures. That’s right Ruskin, fractures! Winds so strong that just one gust can leave you brushing the knots out of your hair for extended periods and even able-bodied 28-year-olds struggle to remain upright.

And snow, exhilarating? I’ll concede that I was awed by my first experience of falling snow this winter. The trees were pretty, wearing their snow-caps, and the soccer fields covered in white powder had undergone a fascinating transformation; but snow is inconvenient. Public transport becomes chaos. You can’t leave the house at times, and most of all… IT IS SO COLD!!!

“Conversation about the weather is the last refuge of the unimaginative,” said Oscar Wilde, but even though he would condemn my choice of topic, I am going to continue!

I think that people talk about the weather because it really does have consequences for our everyday lives. I’ve realized that more than ever since moving to England. My whole lifestyle has had to change. In Australia I would go – even in winter – and sit outdoors in a piazza with my hot chocolate and a good book to have my relax time. I would take walks through city gardens or duck in and out of quirky stationary shops and book stores.

Here in the freezing cold climes of northern England I often feel house-bound. Every time I venture out for too long I contract a cold or at least a sore throat for the next day or two. I’m just not built for this kind of climate! I am rugged up in my 14 layers of clothes while the Newcastle girls traipse around in short-sleeve tops and impractically sheer stockings at the first sign of a double-digit temperature… The weather is dictating my life and I don’t like it.

I do believe it is well documented that people are generally happier in summer and warmer climates… and it’s got to be true! Now I understand why the English drink so much beer and eat so many potatoes. What else is there to do?